a lady and a man sitting on a sofa, the lady is reading a book and the man is using a laptop

Welcome to Different Together, for a better understanding of Asperger Syndrome

Different Together is a safe, supportive and understanding community for the partners of adults affected by Asperger Syndrome (AS). If you’ve found us, it is likely that you either know or suspect that your partner has AS and are wondering … what now?  We are here for you!

 ‘Between you and me’
foreword by Tony Attwood 

Portrait image of Tony Attwood“For some people, it is very easy and enjoyable to fall in love with someone who has the characteristics of Asperger syndrome. After the initial intoxicating romance, there can be a gradual realisation from both partners, that the relationship is not as fulfilling as anticipated and adjustments and compromises are needed. This website provides valuable information and advice on many aspects of such relationships and is a resource that will change lives.”
—  Tony Attwood

To hear Tony’s thoughts on other questions about having a partner with the characteristics of Asperger’s syndrome click here.

Different Together was borne out of my own search, as the Neurotypical (NT) partner of someone affected by Asperger Syndrome, for information and support. More than anything else I wanted to find other people in the same situation who would understand.

I first heard the term ‘Asperger Syndrome’ in late 2010. My internet searches kept leading me to similar lists of traits which seemed to explain many of my husband’s behaviours. What the searches did not tell me was what to do with this information. Where to go from here?

In mid 2012, with the same miscommunications bringing our relationship to crisis point, we were referred via our GP to the area mental health team for assessment and diagnosis.  My thoughts were that if we got a diagnosis, support would follow.

Six months after being referred, we still had no appointment date.  When I rang to ask why this was, I was told there was a two year waiting list.  Two years!  I felt it unlikely that our marriage would survive the wait.

In February 2013 we had a private assessment and diagnosis – a huge relief to us both.  Now we both knew what we were dealing with.  Desperate for information and advice, I looked for support groups to find others in the same situation.  Unable to find anything, I set up Different Together to meet that need.

Difference can only feel threatening if it exists in the absence of acceptance and understanding.—  Maxine Aston

There are many excellent books written for couples and several specifically for partners.  These can be found on this site under ‘Resources’.  My hope is that this site will become a valued resource in its own right to cover these areas that need addressing;

  • Connection with others in the same situation – whether by discussion threads, face to face or social events
  • Workshops and conferences for NT partners
  • Training for counsellors and professionals in recognizing if a couple’s problems might be related to Asperger Syndrome


What is Asperger Syndrome?Being Neurotypical